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Saturday, Feb 17, 2018
  • in Torn City
  • An Illustrated Weekly Newspaper
  • Edited & Published in Torn City
  • An Illustrate

Citizen Alert: Avoid Love Juice

Report by sugarvalves on 14/02/18 (3 days ago)

The Torn City Transport Authority has urged citizens to stay away from the docklands area following an accidental spillage of potentially hazardous chemicals. In the early hours of Wednesday morning, a shipment of 'Love Juice' bound for the Performance Ribaldry Network was manhandled by customs officers upon its departure from a cargo ship. The resulting 'love puddle' was deemed a threat to public safety by those who tasted it, and the area was duly cordoned off.

Continues on page 18

Torn Welcomes 100th Level 100

Report by sugarvalves on 13/02/18 (4 days ago)

On the 5th of February at 7:40pm Torn City Time, daCampa achieved Level 100 status and in the process became the hundredth Torn citizen to do so. A humble strip club owner who joined our city on the 4th of October 2005, daCampa hit this milestone during a chain and announced his successful completion of the "fakest achievement in Torn" via a forum post shortly after.

Continues on page 17

TWIN: Sharpmid, Duke and Level 100s

Report by sugarvalves on 05/02/18 (12 days ago)

This week's The Weak in News column begins with a rundown of recent events involving notorious forum-tumour Sharpmid. But if such drivel isn't to your tastes, then scroll down for further news involving Duke and Level 100 players.

Continues on page 16

Torn Stocks: The Past Three Years

Report by sugarvalves on 02/02/18 (15 days ago)

On Monday we published a report on the recent fluctuations in the stock market, after a turbulent period of record highs and lows saw many citizens panic due to the implementation of unannounced market adjustments. Thankfully, our research revealed that no such alterations had taken place, but many were still curious as to what the future held for their carefully chosen stocks.

Continues on page 15

Panic As Stock Market Goes Crazy

Report by sugarvalves on 29/01/18 (18 days ago)

Torn's investment community was shaken like a child in the hands of a British nanny this weekend, as shares in several popular companies both rose and fell to hit record highs and lows.

Continues on page 14

Torn City Jail - The Ins and Outs

Report by Franky on 25/01/18 (23 days ago)

Unless you're a newcomer or you've been hiding away in your parents' basement for the last few years, you'll already know that the Torn City Jail does not do a great job of containing inmates for the duration of their sentence.

This lax attitude towards prison security may seem shocking to those outside the city, but it becomes less so when you consider the time citizens have put into investigating and testing how to escape this final part of the judicial process.

Continues on page 10

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