Granny Smoosh's Wrapping Rap

Lyrics:

[Rapped to the tune of "Love Me or Hate Me" by Lady Sovereign]

Yo... It's officially the oldest lady in this game.
I dunno.
My ID is 2-6-4-9-2-3-6
Make way for the smooshmc!

Love me or hate me, that is the question
Love me or hate me, I'm still a Torn Citizen
If you love me then, thank you,
If you hate me then, boo hoo!
(times 2)

I joined in January 2021
Now my butt looks like a cinnamon bun.
I don't got the biggest stats in town,
But my reputation is reknowned.

I live on a private island,
all alone, so I talk to the sand.
It's cool, you fool, I even got a swimming pool!

Ugh,
Chedburn doesn't even know me,
I placed an ad to make him my homie.
A bird pooped on my head in the selfie
But I don't really give a fudge!

I'm missing my sight and vision,
Like a noob at Duke's might miss a mission.
I went to spin Leslie's wheel,
And won a DP, that made me squeal!

No, I don't own a Dong yet,
Maybe the auction house would be my best bet?
C'mon then, support all my antics,
I'm pretty poor, so go buy my graphics!

[SHAMELESS PLUG FOR GRANNY SMOOSH'S GRAPHICS]

Lyrics: 

My name is Daedalus you'll find me in the Labyrinth,
and when you see me I'll be wrapping up this tiny synth
I'll say this to the staff I'll say this to the admins,
You'll be giving Dae the mic before the year begins

All these other rappers seem to need a Word Fixer
Freezing up like they're out playing Snowball Shooter,
I'll hang em up, hand em to the Hangman,
They'll be saying "Damn Dae, I'm your biggest fan!"

Lyrics dropping like it's Typocalypse
I ain't sat here set up like no other rappers reading scripts
Christmas crackers, party poppers, Krampus Masks, Hazmats
I don't need no ornaments to make my flow fast

Got my Bucks, got my Beer, Candy and my Cans
Every night I'll be roaming round Gatlin
I'll say "Hey Heasley, that's a nice map man!"
I'll say "Hey Heasley, that's a nice GAK fam."

I'mma say this out to Bogie just one time,
Don't be touching rap comps until I've had mine,
If it is the last at least we got it all on tape,
Now I'm throwing out rappers like Duke Giveaways.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=esLBq90QS7IDrail's Rap (Working link)

{{ Im Draildatrain my raps are insane
All the other crapper rappers be doing this in vein
I’ll stick my big diamond blade in your tiny brain 
 If I hear your torn-ass quietly complain

 I came 30th place in the last faction chain
Imma hit you fast so that you don’t feel pain
Imma leave your corny-ass in the street in the rain
You got 20 minuets in the hospital  cuz you got slain
That puddle in the street its your nasty blood stain

When I’m wrapping Christmas presents I will never refrain 
When my hardcore rapping  presence only has disdain  
Imma always loot Santa In the Christmas game

When I’m rapping while I’m wrapping, I’m drinking Champaign
When I’m wrapping while I’m rapping, I’m smoking Mary Jane
I can’t find any  snow globes its a real big pain 

When the  prize is only candy you won’t hear me complain
When I’m lookin for da gold keys, its a mental strain  

Well I’m in it to win it in this messed torn life
Give me first place - and I'll stop sleeping with your wife :)  }}
 
That was a million times harder to write, practice and record than I expected! My first ever rap and first ever rap while wrapping! 
Also I live at an altitude of 3000meters (9840ft) which means I have slightly under 30% less oxygen than someone at sea level, I nearly fainted in one of the practice sessions :)

Shout out to the beats:     Anabolic Beatz

mgvel's entry

Every morning I better my game, wake up and train,
Down a Xanax cause I'm needing the gains,
Spending E to free my nat regen, you see,
Cans are coming my way from this year's CT

Not a top level criminal, but I'll rise
Diamond bladed knife right between your eyes
I go down? I'll get up! No need to call my mama
Unlike SA and Monarch, I'm not a fan of drama

And I'm wrapping while I rap cause I'm needing the cash
Training with a book on has emptied my drug stash
And I've done too much casino, got my funds in the trash
But thats it for the rap, let's hear the dj scratch

DoctorDreidel's entry

 (Lyrics) 

Doctor Dreidel the mad jew
Pull a Duke get Penelope on you 
Christmas town got us walkin like the hobbits 
Hit up bits and Bob's, I think I might rob it 

Rummaging the dump like a homeless man 
Duke dropped some DP's boy give me a hand 
Using christmas town like an atm. I dont even rap, I barely even win 
But its torn city so sin with a grin. 
Hit the sweet shop, thanks Sally see you again. 

Compile the deville evidence to go trial for a planned robbery that ended in denial, its wild.
 
Kiss my festivus, it is ubiquitous, federal sentences with no more christmases. 

And that's what torn is about. Merry Christmas, the doc is out.

Xmas rap 2021

aka (Gift to bogie)

I was under the impression that u hated rap.
Now u got a rap contest event, da hells up wit dat?!

U got us wrapping while rapping while video acting.
I'm a half decent rapper man but this wrappings distracting.
And I gotta do it all on tape? Video not Scotch
Like the kind that I use to apply the wrap to this here box.
Btw its yer present that I got & u got festive socks.
And kudos for unbanning rap btw, I wanna thank you a lot.

Yes it's Torn City Christmas time.
Orko flow so magical
with the Torn City Christmas rhyme.
I will get u this gift on time and
u unbanned rap so u won't get the fists this time!

Christmas Town oh times are so bloody rough.
Forums full of spoiled fools bitching bout not enough free stuff!
"But I don't have time to walk around the good maps."
"I just wanna smoke crack and do bare loot laps."

Honest though yo, I got all the globes.
Appreciate the map makers work a lot fo-sho.
Well that's the rap here's the present.
I can't do much with 60 seconds. yuh!
Orko 2115907 Christmas rap 2021


---------------------------------

100% live, 1 take, no post editing, no after production.
No advanced audio refining, effects, etc.
Original basic backing track created by myself at NBSP.
No gimmicks, just bare bars!
I am a horrible gift wrapper. XD


NBSP 100% Torn City inspired music.
 (currently working on album 4)
----------------------------

"Whatever you do, for the love of god, don’t send us any more raps. A rap is not an anthem. It’s a poem with hand gestures."
"if your raps are bad we won’t ever do another rap competition again, because apparently, we hate them."
"Rap however will remain a hard decline."
"Both sugarvalves and myself are more than happy to deter as much rap as possible."
~bogie 2021
"We haven't banned rap, but we felt we had to discourage people from sending us a stream of them (often terrible, always mumbled) when we'd specifically asked for something else."
~sugarvalves 2021

A Gift For Duke - 2021 Torn Rap Wrap 

I’ve only been playing Torn for a couple a months, 
It’s a hunt not spending all of my E searching the dump 
From Duke’s giveaways there might be some very good finds
But I’m late once again all the goods have been mined

Now I spend all my time walking ‘round Christmas Town
All’s I got’s is a cracker with a green paper crown

I play five mini games to snag my coupons each day
I love the game with the claws; I LOL while I play
Christmas bucks are scarce– I’ve hardly got a handful
I wish a was one of those whose pockets were jammed full

I’m gonna send Duke a cool gift so he’ll like me
He’s a pretty cool cat once you get past the snarky
He gave me a few loans worth a couple of grand
My payments are late, man, but Duke understands

I crawl around every map in pursuit of the loot
Check the city, once or twice— again! the point’s moot
I’ve just found enough bricks to build my own subdivision 
Should I pay my loan off now or wait? Tough decision.

I don’t believe Christmas Town’s living up to the hype
I pretty much only find Tootsie Rolls every night
I have a deep thirst for E-Cans I’m not greedy
But the thought of a stash of good cans is just dreamy

So I’ll send Duke this present to make up for the fact
Or distract, if it works, keep me from gettin’ whacked
Me and Duke made a pact, yeah I’ll pay him some way
But until then I hope that this gift makes his day

Torn City Xmas Rap 2021 

Don't Mug Me Bro

Lyrics:
Don't mug me bro
You just hit me in my big toe
Don't mug me bro
I don't got no dough
Don't mug me bro
I don't need no critical blow
Don't mug me bro
My face already looks like a crow
Don't mug me bro
Don't hit me with no bo
Don't mug me bro
I'm already on death row
And don't be hitting me with no pepper spray
I'm sitting here I'm gonna pray
No pepper spray
Toss me in Torn City Bay
No pepper spray
Washing out my eyes with hay
No pepper spray
It's gonna be a bad Christmas Day
Word!

Seeealiooon

I dont wrap I box welcome to West Side University hardknox
Bogie and SV want to ban rap
Destory xmas cheer they whack
Someone called the word fixer the apocalypse
Oh snap hes back
Time to bring the flow and slap
While i farm loot on iribuyas map
Quit talking smack
We wont crack
Dont need no flack
You can call me a hack,
Killing christmas town losing at blackjack,
Got something for you in santas sack,
Broken bauble, santa shooters, and reindeer crap
This is torns rap comeback
1 min diss halftrack
Bringing the burn heres an ice pack
Rewind and playback
Yall boutta be swept back
Roll up on your cul de sac in my cadillac
Snowball shooter with my GAK
Shred your face like a kodiak
Garland assembling maniac
Heres your quarterback
Tasteless boys in your pontiac
These words sting yellojacket
Im a killer HANGMAN! ZODIAC!
Leave you anxious ahstma attack
Up all not not santa insomniac
Now its you under attack
You seizing or its cardiac
Like corona pandemoniac
Im a rap nymphomaniac
Bad as a denial of service attack

Raps here to stay
We here to slay 
I’m killing the christmas wrap today



Man, it is so hard to try to rap and wrap at the same time. lmfao (garland sounds like garlic and insomniac sounds like imsamniac loooool) Got me tripped up. Leaving it for the lulz. 

Definitely added to the fun and challenge. Thanks for making a rap comp guys! Even once a year as a compromise is at least catering to the community and your taste. Its the season of giving, don't make selfish decisions for 2022.

I am... not vocally built for rap. So I'm entering this against my better judgment and with a lot of outside encouragement from a certain someone.





Tis' a snowy Torn Christmas,
I got lollis on my wishlist.
My islands decked out in lights, like
Santa baby please don't miss this.

Armalites wrapped up with bows.
Festive tags for naughty toes.
Tis' a giving season, so
I'm even givin gifts to foes.

Gratify in Christmas Town.
Spend all day and walk around.
Then I spit some Christmas raps,
To some jingle bell beat sounds.

My stockings filled to the top.
E cans and chocolate, I think not
All the room that thing got
Is consumed by lollipops.

https://youtu.be/WHq7OqSCtR0 COME SEE THIS YOU WONT REGRET IT

torn wrap rap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjjhO9NjjoI


the instrumental isn't mine, it was created by Reggie Watts and is originally accompanying a song called "f**k Shit Stack"

Lyrics:

So it's another Torn contest, what's it gonna be 
Submitting in the hopes that bogie likes feet
...Wait... Let me back that up 
And give a little rationale on what I'm packin up
See my mama is a smoker, her whole life long
The gift that I'm giving is the reason for this song
Her circulation's terrible, walking is unbearable
These heat boots are wearable to solve a missing variable 
Massaging your feet and your legs with heat
This is the whole reason that I found this beat
So have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
And smoke a joint like I did to this joint right here

 

Here's my entry! My present is fresh air, highly prized by those drowning. 

But I'm Not A WRapper

Found the instrumental on the YouTube (please ignore any errors and messy handwriting in the video, I cannot improve on it)

Special shoutout to faction mate RipTheJacker who has our top score in Gingerbread Men game with 1000+ or something insane like that

Lyrics:

It’s Christmas time in Torn and once again I’m just too lazy
To slowly walk a pavement road for hours it just drives me crazy
I need a drink to get through all of this Mistletoe Madness
‘Cause every snowglobe map I see they all just lead into bad tests

You could probably tell I only check in like once a day
Spin the Wheel, Present Pick, and all the games to play
RipTheJacker’s got the Gingerbread Men in the basket
Snowball Shooter got me putting the Grinch in a casket (wait what?)

I never really thought about it but I put together the pieces just now
Isn’t there an air of Holiday Terror hidden inside of this Christmas Town?
A man is hanged, the claws come out, and no one bats an eye
Assemble garlands, fix the words, and no one asks why

The Typocalypse is coming and no one will be prepared
We’re too busy with our loot to notice we have been impaired
He planned all of this on top of his  Chedburn Towers
It was all lies, Naughty or Nice, we all will be devoured

My wrap rap entry:

https://youtu.be/n6QXOs6Hcno

It's rapped to the beat of Godzilla by Eminem.

Lyrics: 

Sekktor 2021
I'm here in Christmas Town searchin' for another Munster
A present's on the ground, hope that it contains a Munster
Don't need no alcohol or reindeer droppings
Give me more energy drinks to fill my stocking
Crocozade, Damp Valley, Munster
You know I'll never buy it from the item market
Damp, (Crocozade) Valley, (Munster)
Christmas town is where I'm gonna find it

If you never find them cans raise your hand
'Cause I know all about that, I understand
I'm hopin for some X-MASS, but all I really get is
A lousy bottle of Minty (Minty), Minty Mayhem

How can I have all these cans and require
more to satiate my desire
A desire for what you inquire?
That's to get my battle stats higher
This event only lasts for 3 weeks, aint got much time to acquire
the loot I seek so I'm losin' sleep pulling multiple all-nighters
And when my Xanax's on cooldown my E be needin' a top-off
but no need to fret, 'cause I supplement my gains with some Rockstar Rudolph
I see those gifts in the city I get so happy yeah I be giddy
I guess quitting my job to play torn full-time has paid off


Thanks for watching!

Video Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMKKwkKxQT0&f

Joint entry with Sam420 - ‘No Gronchy Around’


As I wander through the gates leading to Christmas Town
People stop and stare, presents all up on the ground
Head over to Typocalypse,
Score another present pick,
I see a combo chest - no Gronchy around!

Now who be stepping up?
You set em up to fail, man,
Lugubrious like MightyGoober every day, man
Snowball shootin, looting Scrooge is what I pray, man
And if I do then you can catch me in the Caymans

I put all my dough in candy at 100k
Worked the debt off at a salt mine busting for my mate
Duke’ll smash your little kneecaps every time you’re late
So get to stepping round the loot maps, even Christmas Day 

Aye, I just got a call from Chedburn -
He said he got a really bad leg burn
Mm, can we put some ice on it?
He’ll pay a golden mic fo’ it?



Merry Christmas and I hope the pain of listening to our raps is offset by the painful amount of hoops we had to jump through! :)

Gangster’s Christmas in Torn Entry 2021



Yo Gangster is the name - 2021
Y’all listen up and let’s have some fun
Christmas Town is here in Torn
Pop some Xanax and watch some porn

Runnin around, find globes and Santa
Actually who the hell is The_Hamster
Keep an eye out for that loot
Some get lucky and some get food

Like sweets, cans or alcohol
Watch your step or you might fall
Back to the tent with those naughty nurses
Don’t play pot, it will empty your purses

Runnin around for some Christmas Gift
because Duke is throwing away
Ranked Wars, C-Town, Winter Racing mad fun
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
YOP!

Very talented top marks