sounds like your voice isnt mix'd or mastered. if you get FL studio you can use that to mix and master your vocals. even with the free version. should be some EQ presets. simple to use. might not sound professional, but it'll sound better.
my advice is memorize your bars so you don't sound like your reading. its kinda complicated to explain, but you'll eventually want to put more style into your words. that should develop naturally if you keep writing and practicing. adding some ad libs would probably help too. what did you use to record this? audacity?