My new Reliant Robin and me! - Page 2 | Racing | TORN
My new Reliant Robin and me!
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 01:54:23 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Kadima [2660559]

    (I didn't think this belonged in Racing, since it's more about...errr...new user experience?)


    Hello! I'm Kadima, I'm quite new here, and I decided with some of my shiny new Points I'd buy a racing license. This may seem an odd choice, as I know absolutely nothing about cars, little about driving, and less than nothing about racing games. I did have a 2012 Fiat 500 for a few years and managed not to roll it, but I abused it terribly and at last the state of Illinois opted to take it away for a fee. In short, I had not been aware of what unconscionable abortions of automotive design and engineering such as the Reliant Robin existed before my playing Torn, and now I am screaming like a delighted little girl at the wrongs done to automotive engineering about which I am now learning just...scads.

    One problem with my absolute ignorance of all things automotive is that I do not know how to describe the ways in which cars are, for lack of a better, f**ked up. The Reliant Robin is extremely f**ked up. For the uninitiated, the two main things to know about the Robin are 1) that it has three wheels, in the manner of a shoe-shaped tricycle and 2) thus rolls. A lot. Noted asshole Jeremy Clarkson has done several videos of rolling a Reliant Robin - it should be made clear that these were intentionally poorly-designed versions let by the Reliant factory - and they are legendary for both comedy value and instruction in how one little car can flip on its back like a piece of newsprint in a strong wind. I don't want to link in a post about my experiences. We hapless techno-weenies can all do as well as to look up "clarkson reliant robin" or "inexpensive cheese knife." Less-ignorant Car People I know have mentioned the Robin's extremely "optimistic" thrust-to-weight ratio and, perhaps relatedly, its tendency to transfer far more weight to the front than might be ideally desired. I have no idea what they are talking about as I did not take high school physics because I was busy planning to be a famous millionaire poet.

    At the end of the day, I bought a spanking-old Reliant Robin (in, adorably, robin's egg blue) because I was looking for an E-class car to try my hand on racing with and because one of my car friends said, when I asked him very sincerely if I should get this as my first racing car, "it's hilarious, so yes." Several horrifying minutes later I learned about this vehicle's physical parameters and subsequent popularity on YouTube.

    This has been the very long backstory of my ownership of a Reliant Robin. My heartbreakingly bad but mercifully short racing history of it will follow. No comments will affect my decision; I will mod this thing out until it is the goddamned singularity.

    Thank you.

    K

    Penetration [2340613]

    Your account of this is hilarity. Great sense of humor. Much like, great clap.
    Thank you! I am about to race with a song in my heart due to your kind words.
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 02:06:06 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    This is an hilariously stupid course for the Robin to be on, because of the presence of turns.

    I assume the game mechanics have it so my incessant crashes "roll into," if you will excuse me and I understand if you will not, my average speed. So far I have yet to really make the best use of straightaways, presumably because fibreglass gets very poor traction on asphalt.
    Last edited by Kadima on 02:08:22 - 12/03/21
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 02:14:49 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    RIDE ETERNAL, SHINY AND CHROME!


    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 02:33:35 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    I LIVE

    I DIE


    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 03:01:21 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Oh, will they indeed? 

    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 03:02:51 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    That is all for tonight. I appreciate my three readers keeping up with this ugly-duckling story. Tomorrow, if she wins, I will christen her, most likely with the blood and cerebrospinal fluid dribbling from my mouth.

    Thank you.

    K
    • Penetration [2340613]
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    Posted on 03:11:50 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Kadima [2660559]

    That is all for tonight. I appreciate my three readers keeping up with this ugly-duckling story. Tomorrow, if she wins, I will christen her, most likely with the blood and cerebrospinal fluid dribbling from my mouth.

    Thank you.

    K
    Your mud-robin might outperform my mud-lambo. I always find it funny that I use a Lamborghini for the all mud track and manage to win. I picture what it would actually look like flying all over the track.
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 04:45:51 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Kadima [2660559]

    That is all for tonight. I appreciate my three readers keeping up with this ugly-duckling story. Tomorrow, if she wins, I will christen her, most likely with the blood and cerebrospinal fluid dribbling from my mouth.

    Thank you.

    K

    Penetration [2340613]

    Your mud-robin might outperform my mud-lambo. I always find it funny that I use a Lamborghini for the all mud track and manage to win. I picture what it would actually look like flying all over the track.
    As I'm slowly learning, Torn's in-game physics might apply for my busted-ass Fiat 500 somehow plowing right through the mud to valiantly take the crown!

    It did that in a three-foot flood, once...
    • PokeyJoe [2631117]
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    Posted on 06:30:22 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Great thread. It has inspired me to go down the docks and buy a Reliant Robin
    • Flying-Headbutt [2603171]
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    Posted on 13:31:47 - 12/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    There used to be quite a few about when I was younger, the company who made them also made a mental four wheeler called a scimitar.

    2tonnes in weight due to the fibreglass body shell. 3litre turbo charged lump of an engine built on I beam girders apparently.

    They worked like a slingshot, once you lined them up and flored it you had a delayed lurch into the nearest wall.

    My mate had two.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reliant_Scimitar
    Last edited by Flying-Headbutt on 13:39:36 - 12/03/21

    https://youtu.be/DeTCmcxd2Ec

    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 01:25:54 - 13/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    PokeyJoe [2631117]

    Great thread. It has inspired me to go down the docks and buy a Reliant Robin
    Truly all I could have asked for. Ride eternal, brother.
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 01:28:27 - 13/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Flying-Headbutt [2603171]

    There used to be quite a few about when I was younger, the company who made them also made a mental four wheeler called a scimitar.

    2tonnes in weight due to the fibreglass body shell. 3litre turbo charged lump of an engine built on I beam girders apparently.

    They worked like a slingshot, once you lined them up and flored it you had a delayed lurch into the nearest wall.

    My mate had two.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reliant_Scimitar
    I'd looked into the Scimitar and the Kitten (?!) as well. They sound like so much fun. Just the thing for the 70s. And as you say, yeah: they're brilliant on straightaways, at least in Torn!

    It's weird because - just aesthetically, as stated, I am terrifically ignorant about cars - I really like 70s muscle cars. These are sort of...their not-quite-right cousins.

    We have car shows around here in the autumn; I should keep an eye out for Reliants. Some people around here collect really weird shit.

    Cheers,

    K
    • Kadima [2660559]
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    Posted on 03:29:54 - 13/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    Friends:

    Tonight's racing did not go as I hoped it would.

    I finished in fourth, then second, both at Stone Park, which is the devil of a roadway in Torn but also a disused was-industrial neighbourhood just west of Chicago where one can peruse unlimited lap dances, bounce mods and road effects.

    I will compete in one more race and then retire. Robin Excelsior.

    Best,

    K
    • Ampheromine [2065865]
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    Posted on 04:36:08 - 13/03/21 (10 months ago)
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    I moved this one to Racing for you as well. From now on, do me a favor and just post them there, especially since the bulk of posts in the thread is you. Thank you.
     
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