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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:09:26
No I mean noone ever makes threats to destroy a mall with anthrax in mafia threads, no bomb threats.

Also in the new coming mafia thread I plan to ask for "protection money" which would make it pretty interesting

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In-Flames
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:22:08
Protection money sounds reasonable but...

Gangsters, when being a gangster was a job not a fashion style meant you had to have class, you had to have rules, you had a code if you broke the code you had repercussions brought upon you, breaking the law was a way of living. They weren't just guys in suits with uzi's running around shooting each other, a lot of it was about respect.


Edited by: In-Flames on 15/10/08 at 10:27:26 PM

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:34:48
Yeah but they do make anthrax threats nowadays.

Protection money is one of the things that the gangsters in chinatown NY pull

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In-Flames
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:36:21
It's your thread red you may do whatever you like with it.

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Evilpants666

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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:37:51
By TheRedBaron [946551]
Yeah but they do make anthrax threats nowadays.

Protection money is one of the things that the gangsters in chinatown NY pull


Gangsters these days don't have the monopoly they had back then. It's all splintered now, more hush-hush and less violent unless you go to the american-latin side of things, where it's even more splintered and a lot more violent.

Sure, they make anthrax threats, but the police is five times greater, quicker and precise than back then, too.

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:43:42
Yeah, nowadays its hitmen being hired by rich asswipes (like the lehmans) to kill people.

Thats why it was better back then.

Too bad the garras failed and no war started when pokky died

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strange2

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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:47:14
The tentative release date for mafia 2 is the upcoming Tuesday or Wednesday.

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In-Flames
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:48:29
Nice, I wasn't around the first time maybe I can have some fun this time.

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 22:50:44
'Kay I can't wait

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TofuScraps

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Posted on Wed Oct 15, 2008 23:50:51
I shall not die this time
I've got some good plans for this thread and greatly anticipating it.

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 01:23:17
Pokky, but remeber try to start a war, but make it so that you arent the only active dude.

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Evilpants666

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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 01:24:56
By TheRedBaron [946551]
Pokky, but remeber try to start a war, but make it so that you arent the only active dude.


Can't leave that option for the rest of us this time? Never give us a chance, do you Redbaron?

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 01:27:46
No I wanted a war to start but for some reason one didnt!!!

GAhhhhh....



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TofuScraps

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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 15:26:18
By TheRedBaron [946551]
Pokky, but remeber try to start a war, but make it so that you arent the only active dude.


>.> I'll do what i want to do. No need to tell me what my character has to do. Lets just say it'll be somewhat different from last time.

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HighVoltage
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 20:14:05
...

Always Look Better Than The Bitch Next To You!
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ArthurDent
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 21:20:05
Baron......... please.........

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 21:49:45
what?

Im keen on this new thread...

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ArthurDent
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 21:50:57
Baron please...........

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:00:32
Please what? GTFO? if it is that hell no

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ArthurDent
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:02:59
Baron please.......

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Evilpants666

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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:03:50
By TheRedBaron [946551]
Please what? GTFO? if it is that hell no


It's not a GTFO-notice, since this is the roleplaying advice thread.

It's a 'please drop the topic' notice, I thinks.

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:05:08
Okay sir.

I see you got a level raise evil.

Anyway, can I have my advice?

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ArthurDent
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:05:15
Baron please............

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TheRedBaron
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Posted on Thu Oct 16, 2008 22:06:22
okay goodbye


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Evilpants666

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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 14:21:10
Right. I'm aware of the no-necromancy policy, and I, once again, will dishonestly claim that this is an exception to that.

Why?

Because I believe that advice isn't something that lives and dies off. It's recurrent. It's ever-long-lasting presence is valid until the day that role playing is no more. What better way to improve your activity than by knowing what you're still lacking in? Surely you probably already know what that is, but it helps to have your doubts confirmed.


And that, is exactly where constructive criticism sets in.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, to finish up what I came here for;


Kayley(Silver);

You've been a bit inactive lately, even though I probably know why. That's why, if you don't mind, I'll cast the last two weeks to the wind and speak about your activities before that instead.

First off, I've noticed you're keen on being second-in-command, or any other important role that uncannily sort of shines on the background. However, this also does let you work together with the rest of the role play community rather easily, letting you do what you probably like most; Putting teamwork into Role Playing.

You have also tried to play as an antagonist once or twice, but regrettably to no success, either because the thread died off, or because you probably didn't know what to do next.

That's probably something you should work on, with practice.

Also, you enjoy romance into the threads you take part in. I won't discuss this further however, as it is something most used within the past two weeks which I claimed I wouldn't be discussing.

Furthermore, your choice of words I find peculiar. In the good sense of the word, mind you. You phrase what you wish to write, quite well, even leading into (usually) a good description of the details. When you stumble upon your words, however, which luckily happens only rarely, you leave me running around in circles as I try to figure out what it was that you were talking about.

On a whole level, though, you're probably on par with Ford when he isn't being lazy, and Strange when he isn't being unmotivated. You just sort of try to not let anyone else notice that, weirdly enough.

And that, this time, really wraps it up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lets see....next up....

Redbaron.

Well, there's not much to say. You are undoubtedly an RP-er, but it would be unfair to criticise you before you've flourished. You're still working, learning as you go, at achieving that title of RP Veteran. You're eager, and criticise others enthusiastically because you wish to be a help to the RP community.

However, you'd do well to focus on one thing at a time, and leave the criticising business to the veterans until you too, can be called an RP Veteran. Focus on your skills. Refine them, elaborate them further.

And as I've seen in the Stonevale thread in the past month or so, you do have the potential. Your more elaborated posts are proof of that.

The potential, however, is just the first step at getting there. I wish you good luck on your further development, and I'll be awaiting the day until I can give you a more thorough 'CECP'.

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Teck

I'm not quite sure what part of you I should criticise first. I mean no offence, but, I have noticed you easily trail off the path into the god-moding depths of the Dark Side of RP. It is my firm belief that that is one of the things you should work on.

However, you're not shy when it comes to making an elaborate post. For that, I must compliment you. On the other hand, you're not too shy at using 'txt'-talk either, and I believe you should work on that a little, too.

Furthermore, your characters are usually on the foreground of the whole. You like to have a character that has enough power to defend itself, so that its truly your choice whether he lives or dies, and when.
You never really use that power on offence, however. For instance, you don't pick a character that has amazing powers and uses them solely for the purpose of destruction. At least, not that I've seen so far.

And...well...that's about it, really.

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Coldog

Though you've been around here longer than I have, I still find it quite hard to discuss your RP activities. For one thing, I've noticed you often take part in threads most veterans wouldn't even set foot in. I am guilty of having a look at them from time to time, however, and from the shards of your activities that I have read, I can safely say that though you don't god-mode, you enjoy RP-ing with newcomers.

You often pick a character that is in the position of being a team member. You hardly ever take the initiative, but you do a remarkably good job at working the few instructions and hints from the newcomers, that I personally would cast to the wind for being too vague....into a post that offers the others to reply a post of their own on.

You're sort of caught between being called a newcomer, and being called an RP-er. You're too experienced for the former, and don't visit the good threads enough to be called the latter.

So, in the end, you sort of leave me at...(what Kayley would say) clutching straws.





And that, dear Role play community, ends my streak of constructive criticism.

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-Cobra
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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 14:25:44
can you tell me what im doing wrong pleaese?

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day

You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
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Evilpants666

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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 14:38:37
By -FB-sexybeth [981508]
can you tell me what im doing wrong pleaese?


What you're doing wrong? Right, let's see....

You were a user of the notorious 'txt'-talk language, although you are starting to leave that behind you, and last I checked, that made you reside in a transitional form leading to proper English.
Though, at this point, you may already have reached your destination...sort of.

In your opening post of 'Romance of the three kingdoms' you often throw several sentences in one, without inter punctuation.

You put down '2' and '3' instead of writing them out into 'two' and 'three', the latter which is much more pleasant for the eye.

You use the 'star system', though I can't really call that wrong as Strange would swing his stick at me first chance he gets.

You're asking me for constructive criticism although you've only just arrived and taken part in a mere three threads for little over a week, which doesn't really give me much to go on.

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TofuScraps

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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 15:59:29
As requested my Evil, heres my take on him.

:P Dont hate me for this

First of all you write very elaborate and detailed posts. Meaning you leave nothing for anyone to jump into unless you incorporate it into your post and hint at it. On your details you make it extremely descriptive which makes it very easy to imagine and see what exactly you look like, where you are, what your doing, and whatnot. I can picture exactly what you're doing in your post step by step which is like watching a movie.

Second, your activeness. Since you always mention you're more of a writer than a RPer, I wont knock on you for that. Though you dont post as frequent as I would like you to, each and EVERYONE of your posts are thoroughly and quality read. One of your posts are equivalent to about 3-4 of the other vets at times and mostly about 2 pages for the knobheads. >.>

Third, your roles. As most of us, you seem to take a side character to runs along with everyone else. Just like me and Kayley seem to do. You rarely take on a major character, but rather play as an individual that does his own thing to push the story on. Good thing is this enables you to give descriptions to the dot instead of focusing on a hundred little things.

And thats what I have off the top of my head

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TofuScraps

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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 16:03:09
Err sorry for the double post but this needs to be on its own post. Its my criticism from Evil a while back. Just posting since everybody's are on here.


Part 1
Well, I've read about the first ten of your posts in the mafia thread, and so far I can conclude that no matter how I try to twist and turn it, there isn't much to complain about, or rather, there isn't much that is particularly wrong with any of your posts apart from perhaps a spelling mistake every two or three posts or so. That's pretty natural though...I make some embarrassing mistakes from time to time. >.>

What I've noticed, though, is that you have a very efficient way of writing. You write just enough to be clear, but not enough for it to be called elaborate. You drop descriptions on those exact places it's really necessary, and you switch between the story-telling and the star-system like the putting on and taking off of a glove.
However, interestingly enough, it makes it rather pleasant to read, though it does spike the reader (in this case me >.>) to wonder what the hell your character is doing during conversations(where you usually use the star-system).

You also rarely describe what it is what your character is feeling in terms of touch, smell, and moods(apart from, of course, severe anger). And though that isn't necessary, it keeps your character from being a sort of main character. It's like you're trying to master the art of having your character as a side-character that's not predictable, or possible to read his mind. (Which, if you put your character as a main one, is quite hard to do) The only way anyone can figure out what the hell your character is doing, is by having you explicitly announce beforehand, usually in the last three lines, what the hell you're up to. (hats off to you for that, btw. )

Which leads me to this question; Do you do that on purpose?

Part 2
Actually, there's nothing really wrong with your style. I mean there are plenty of books in which the writer has opted to keep the reader from guessing by keeping the thoughts of the main character, hidden.

Others, like you, write their stories with so much distance between the reader and the character that for the reader, it's like watching TV. It keeps the reader interested, and guessing, Constantly.

Still, I guess you could improve by something all writers have troubles with; Describing what their characters are doing while they're having a conversation. For instance, if he rolls his eyes, if he shuffled a foot, sort of like tell-tales if a guy is lying or not, or sort of hints at what sort of mood your character is in, without having your character actually saying 'I don't like that.' or 'How annoying'

By the way, in terms of storyline contribution, you sort of ease the storyline along its course, usually from the background like a sturdy, pressing but soft and reassuringly firm hand pushing a panicking civilian into the general direction of the exit.

You're there. Not the main, deciding factor, but a constant, sort of subtleness in where the whole thing goes.

Your attacking of ole Red there sort of ruined it though. =/
Granted, it was a plot twist, but it came during a rather inopportune moment. Much like using a fire hose to break a window so that you can escape rather than hose the little fire behind you with it. You know, the one that usually ends up licking the curtains, and only then escalates?

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Evilpants666

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Posted on Sat Nov 08, 2008 17:00:44
By PokGaiJai [463141]
As requested my Evil, heres my take on him.

:P Dont hate me for this

First of all you write very elaborate and detailed posts. Meaning you leave nothing for anyone to jump into unless you incorporate it into your post and hint at it. On your details you make it extremely descriptive which makes it very easy to imagine and see what exactly you look like, where you are, what your doing, and whatnot. I can picture exactly what you're doing in your post step by step which is like watching a movie.

Second, your activeness. Since you always mention you're more of a writer than a RPer, I wont knock on you for that. Though you dont post as frequent as I would like you to, each and EVERYONE of your posts are thoroughly and quality read. One of your posts are equivalent to about 3-4 of the other vets at times and mostly about 2 pages for the knobheads. >.>

Third, your roles. As most of us, you seem to take a side character to runs along with everyone else. Just like me and Kayley seem to do. You rarely take on a major character, but rather play as an individual that does his own thing to push the story on. Good thing is this enables you to give descriptions to the dot instead of focusing on a hundred little things.

And thats what I have off the top of my head


Hmm...well, I'm not quite sure how to reply to this, or even if I should. However...more often I read it, the more apparent it is that your post has given me a lot to think about.

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