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Mouse

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Thread created on Fri May 10, 2013 12:00:32
Last replied to on Sun May 19, 2013 13:16:26
Got myself a little problem here and I am not sure what to do!

Right, my ex partner is thinking of moving to another town which is 30 miles away and taking my son with her who is 3 soon. Basically I haven't been there for him at all as I was an alcoholic and wasn't allowed to see him. I got a death scare when doctors thought my liver was packing in so I got sent to rehab as soon as possible and after 4 months I am now back in my home town, clean. Now I'm back I asked for a chance now I was clean, she agreed, and I've seen him a few times a week and she's thinking about letting me have him on my own soon as I've proven myself that I am clean.

What do I do? Do I try with solicitors to make her stay, or let her go and see less of my son (he asks to see me every day he always cries when I have to go). She will be happier, but I won't, I didn't sort myself for him to be far from me again.

I know I am going to get trolled here, I don't care, I am literally terrified and I do not want to lose bond with my son I just cry thinking about it. I've asked my mates too, I just want a lot of opinions.

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MachineGunSteve

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 13:07:18
Move to the other town?

Or just explain to the child that you will come see him as often as you can, and make it happen. 30 miles isn't that far. The Roman Legion could march 25 miles a day, with a full kit. You can manage to figure out a way to make 30 on a weekend.

Good luck.

Last Edited: Fri May 10, 2013 13:07:58
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_I_

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 13:09:21
Serious answer, for once:

What's your financial situation, i.e to get a car/moped/whatever to travel between towns? Does public transport run between the two towns very often? Having said that, 30 miles is fairly easy to cycle with a little practice, i was doing up to 100 mile runs at one point.

Getting solicitors involved will only make your ex resent you, and tbh, I doubt there's much they could do, anyway. It's not like she's leaving the country, it's only another town, and it's fairly local in the scheme of things.

At the end of the day, you'll need to make the extra effort to travel to see your kid. it's really all you can do.

By Mouse [520790]
I know I am going to get trolled here


Yes, you certainly will be, just ignore it.

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Mouse

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 13:11:33
By MachineGunSteve [184119]
Move to the other town?

Or just explain to the child that you will come see him as often as you can, and make it happen. 30 miles isn't that far. The Roman Legion could march 25 miles a day, with a full kit. You can manage to figure out a way to make 30 on a weekend.

Good luck.


I can't move, I'm stuck in a year long contract in my current place, but after, I would happily move to be closer to him.

Yeah 30 miles isn't far, but it is when you have no job (only just moved back before people start complaining saying get a job) so it's hard to pay to get there with my bills being so much.

My flat mate does have a bike though I can pedal to go see him, it took him 5 hours the other day but I would do that twice over just to see my lad.

Thanks mate.

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Mouse

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 13:14:15
By _I_ [575607]
Serious answer, for once:

What's your financial situation, i.e to get a car/moped/whatever to travel between towns? Does public transport run between the two towns very often? Having said that, 30 miles is fairly easy to cycle with a little practice, i was doing up to 100 mile runs at one point.

Getting solicitors involved will only make your ex resent you, and tbh, I doubt there's much they could do, anyway. It's not like she's leaving the country, it's only another town, and it's fairly local in the scheme of things.

At the end of the day, you'll need to make the extra effort to travel to see your kid. it's really all you can do.

By Mouse [520790]
I know I am going to get trolled here


Yes, you certainly will be, just ignore it.


Sadly, with only just moving back I haven't got a job as of yet, but I've been searching hard as I hate not having a job
Yeah there is a lot of transport, but it's stupidly expensive for the distance lol.

Yeah, most have said that, I don't mind admitting I am scared and a part of me wants him to stay but, she needs to move to be happy too, and I respect her.

I will ignore them.

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locofruitcake

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 14:22:46
If she does end up moving and you can't see your son that offen just make sure you do put the effort in to travel the 30 miles and see him because that what will be remember you putting the effort and try and make sure you the to see him in key event in his life E.g birthdays.

or maybe once his mum see that your clean she might let him stay for weekends so it might be use full just to talk to her and see if you could work something out?

I realy hope that it all work out for you,

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Mouse

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 14:31:03
By locofruitcake [469743]
If she does end up moving and you can't see your son that offen just make sure you do put the effort in to travel the 30 miles and see him because that what will be remember you putting the effort and try and make sure you the to see him in key event in his life E.g birthdays.

or maybe once his mum see that your clean she might let him stay for weekends so it might be use full just to talk to her and see if you could work something out?

I realy hope that it all work out for you,


Thank you mate

Yeah, like I said my flatmate has a bike, I would happily pedal the 5 hours to see him

I've only just started seeing him again, she moves in a month, so I will bring up the weekend thing after 2 weeks I think, I just have to keep proving and need to get him more used to me. He was really, really ill 2 days ago and was throwing up every 10 minutes and was just sat there saying ''I'm broken, I want Daddy''. So she rang me and got me to come up and he only let me take him to bed and he wanted me to cuddle him all night, she loved this and I think she is realizing now that I do want to be there for him, so I hope with fingers crossed, weekends will be a cert

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CatHead

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 14:49:47
Once you get a job you should be able to afford a monthly rail card (depending on how much it is, of course- I do remember that England's rail prices are crazy). Other than that, an old moped would do the trick as it could work out cheaper in the long run. But you need the money.

It's nice you want to go see him, if you keep proving yourself and put in the leg work (cycling to see him (ha- leg work!)) then his mother will be more than happy to let you take him, I'm sure.

I would definitely say to keep it all friendly, you don't want to be getting any lawyers or anything since you're going through a 'prove yourself' phase.

Good luck mate.

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Heisenberg-

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 14:59:23
Do you work?

I work 30 miles away from where i live and still get to and from each day..

Its not like its a different country?

I don't have any kids but in my opinion i think you should step up and do the traveling and prove to your ex that your child is your life. eventually when trust is back and you have money then think of moving closer.

EDIT: My bad, didn't see you say you didn't work, sometimes i wonder how i even got a job

Last Edited: Fri May 10, 2013 15:00:24
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Aramis

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 15:12:04
If it is the time to clean your closet and do the right thing, then don't try to weasel your required labour.

You can keep contact with your son via telephone and or mail/email. Technology nowadays can make a mile to be a centimetre away. Your effort in changing and giving attention/care to your son will surely not be forgotten.

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Darthbong

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 18:17:39
Skype! or some other form of video chat if you don't have a microphone or webcam see if you have a friend who does, and then on weekends try and make an effort to bike over and see him in person.

Also need to find a job so if you ever get a chance to have him over then you have money to provide food and shelter for him, homemade meals and stuff I always loved doing that with my father when I was younger, but unlike you he never made an effort to visit me, even when he was unemployed.

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Evil-Duck

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 18:24:52
Is this serious? If I didn't see you on Jeremy Kyle I would think you are trolling.

#1 Get off your ass and get a f**king job - atleast make some money, you have a computer therefore you got everything you need to make some money.

#2 30 miles is absolutely nothing, I'm shocked you are even debating what to do....you're old enough to buy a damn car, you're old enough to get a train. Grow up.

#3 No doubt your feeding off the tax payers and on benefits, what's that? 100 a week? or whatever you lot get. More than enough to visit your CHILD a few times a week.

The fact you are even questioning what to do is dumb as f**king shit. You were man enough to make a baby, be man enough to spend 40 mins travelling to see him.
Can't be bothered to do any of the above? PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT.

Peace

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bcfcespley

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 18:25:04
With your record I think solicitors would fall on deaf ears. Even in the most loyal and hardened of cases the mother will win in the UK the majority of the times, which is outrageous. My honest advise would be, is to suck up the pain of the distance for your lease time then try and move as soon as you can. Or try and talk her into organising her bringing him to see you every weekend or such.

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Supersniper

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 19:15:19
I suggest if drive you go see as much as you can, and you take child with you home for say weekend as much as can, do t let child slip away! Let him know ur not a dad that simply gives up. You have equal rights mate! And a child that needs you! Stay strong and fight mate

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Supersniper

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 19:25:57
If need a chat mail me I'm good with problems!

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BuckWyld

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 19:46:09
It's not impossible,But ya got a long road ahead of ya. I have a less than perfect past & have shared parenting with my oldest & full custody of my youngest. But to be fair his mom is a real p.o.s. & it doesn't sound like yours is.

First thing you need to do is get court established visitation & a provision that keeps her from moving to far away with him. After that i'd seriously work on establishing your self some more. i.e. get a job, keep your support paid up. Show the courts your not going to die of an o.d. while child is in your care.

After you've accomplished all that to a satisfactory manner i'd apply for shared parenting. In the meantime, 30 mins is nothing. I used to drive 2.5 hrs 1 way to get my oldest every weekend. If you have to take a bus or something in your case so be it. This is the least of obstacles thats going to be thrown at you through the duration of his life.

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Coprophagia

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 20:25:57
Kill her.


But in all honesty 30 miles isnt bad. Just try to get her to trust you more and see where it goes.

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Spurtung

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 21:25:07
By Evil-Duck [1182047]
Is this serious? If I didn't see you on Jeremy Kyle I would think you are trolling.

#1 Get off your ass and get a f**king job - atleast make some money, you have a computer therefore you got everything you need to make some money.

#2 30 miles is absolutely nothing, I'm shocked you are even debating what to do....you're old enough to buy a damn car, you're old enough to get a train. Grow up.

#3 No doubt your feeding off the tax payers and on benefits, what's that? 100 a week? or whatever you lot get. More than enough to visit your CHILD a few times a week.

The fact you are even questioning what to do is dumb as f**king shit. You were man enough to make a baby, be man enough to spend 40 mins travelling to see him.
Can't be bothered to do any of the above? PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT.

Peace


let us know how long was the ban this time

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Regret

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 22:06:32
Duck getting banned? Blasphemy.

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PopadaPill

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 22:21:37
Lifes funny,instead of giving my story which ends well Ill give my mates.

He got his lady preg at 16(same as him),they were a pair together and would get into mad fights every time they went out for a drink without the kid.Anyway they kept splitting up and getting back together but the last time she said that was that..his drug use was a bit out of control and she basically slagged him off to death and stopped contact.

In the mean time he brother killed someone by hitting him with a golf club,he was trying to get into the house after him..because of a drug deal i believe..anyway now 18yrs later the mother who had refused the father axcess because of drugs has now introduced her/there daughter to drugs while the father(my mate) is as clean as a whistle.

So the mother who was Holy than thou turned out to be worse than what she kept her away from...life eh,what a pisser.

Last Edited: Fri May 10, 2013 22:22:55
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Astral

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 22:35:36
Fug it, just become a drug dealer ( )

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1605430
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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 22:42:28
Pedal mate, it can be done and it's your child you're talking about here...

If you're on JSA or whatever it's called (never been on it personally) but you say she moves in a month, starve a bit if you can for the next couple of payments put a little aside and save up for your own pushbike a "comfortable" to ride pushbike will probably set you back 60/120 pound depending if you buy it 2nd hand or not, make sure to buy a few puncher repair kits too and save for your own bike.

Yes you can use your flatmates but you'll have more pride owning your own and riding to see your child trust me.

Try Facebook sites in your local area if anyones selling a cheap bike or even free (I've seen many people giveaway decent bikes too) and get your ass in gear "pun intended" travel through rain and hail if you have to and sleep in a bush - I've done that personally -.- ...

The move could turn out to be a good thing, motivation to find yourself a new job, get a bit of in your pocket and get yourself a moped or something.. yes i hate them two but at the end of the day it will get you from A to B or in this instance from your house to your child.

Make sure to get a 125 though not a 50cc or you can't travel on the motorway and you're stuck on country roads.

The insurance isn't much either, unless you're like me who round my area the thieving c**ts stole 2 of my bikes 1 costing 3 grand..

In the mean time get a bike, save up for the pride of owning your own, if that fails use your mates, pedal through hail and rain if you have too to see your kid, use the distance as motivation to do whatever you can to get a job, i know it can be hard, go to your local library or if you got access to a decent printer, every printer i have ever owned has been a piece of shit and print of 1,000 CV's if you have too and sent them out to every f**ker you can, who gives a shit if you end up cleaning toilets for a living? clean those toilets tell all the jobless pricks who laugh at you to go f**k themselves you're doing it for you kid and start to enjoy your life with some in your pocket mate.

Not worth worrying about he's your kid nothing will change that and you'll find a way to see him.

Last Edited: Fri May 10, 2013 22:44:27
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DrZed

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 23:35:02
I would say talk to her. From what you said she does not seem all that unreasonable. So as long as you try to communicate with her and then put as much effort in as you can to see your child and try to get a job transportation.

Do not try to prevent her from moving and do not get the courts or services involved. Just bring up the concerns you have and try to see what you can work out.

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BuckWyld

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 23:43:51
By PopadaPill [900338]

So the mother who was Holy than thou turned out to be worse than what she kept her away from...life eh,what a pisser.


storys like what you described & this line in particular rite here, has led A LOT of courts in my area recently to award on the fathers behalf..

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Gogs247

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Posted on Fri May 10, 2013 23:44:22
Christ - grow up. My kid lives 450 miles away and I see him all of the time. It's life, get on with it.

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Oxside

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 00:16:16
Try using team speak.

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Ninja29

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 01:20:34
how about Skype?

Its sortof seeing him in real life, especially if you cant always go and get him.

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GrkManga49

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 08:20:46
Stay clean and try to talk to your son over the phone whenever you can. Once you have some money saved up, you can start seeing him.

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DieselMack

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 08:25:56
By Evil-Duck [1182047]
Is this serious? If I didn't see you on Jeremy Kyle I would think you are trolling.

#1 Get off your ass and get a f**king job - atleast make some money, you have a computer therefore you got everything you need to make some money.

#2 30 miles is absolutely nothing, I'm shocked you are even debating what to do....you're old enough to buy a damn car, you're old enough to get a train. Grow up.

#3 No doubt your feeding off the tax payers and on benefits, what's that? 100 a week? or whatever you lot get. More than enough to visit your CHILD a few times a week.

The fact you are even questioning what to do is dumb as f**king shit. You were man enough to make a baby, be man enough to spend 40 mins travelling to see him.
Can't be bothered to do any of the above? PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT.

Peace


This.

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Equilibrium

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 10:55:17
By Mouse [520790]
Got myself a little problem here and I am not sure what to do!

Right, my ex partner is thinking of moving to another town which is 30 miles away and taking my son with her who is 3 soon. Basically I haven't been there for him at all as I was an alcoholic and wasn't allowed to see him. I got a death scare when doctors thought my liver was packing in so I got sent to rehab as soon as possible and after 4 months I am now back in my home town, clean. Now I'm back I asked for a chance now I was clean, she agreed, and I've seen him a few times a week and she's thinking about letting me have him on my own soon as I've proven myself that I am clean.

What do I do? Do I try with solicitors to make her stay, or let her go and see less of my son (he asks to see me every day he always cries when I have to go). She will be happier, but I won't, I didn't sort myself for him to be far from me again.

I know I am going to get trolled here, I don't care, I am literally terrified and I do not want to lose bond with my son I just cry thinking about it. I've asked my mates too, I just want a lot of opinions.


I'd stay away from solicitors - firstly I don't think it would help you, but more importantly it sounds to me like your ex-partner is being pretty fair with you anyway. I can understand why you're considering it - it's a desperate situation, but at the same time it wouldn't be very fair on her, when she's been fair with you.

In your position, I think I'd try and find a way of travelling the 30 miles a couple of times a week - maybe get a second hand bike from the internet and borrow your friends bike in the short term? I can understand that you're worried about it, but you could also view this as an opportunity - eventually perhaps your son could spend some weekends and holidays with you. Coming to spend a few days with his Dad could be something he really looks forward to in the future. Good luck anyway dude, I hope it works out

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Tolshortte

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Posted on Sat May 11, 2013 11:40:23
im sure u can work something out. i know if i needed a ride to see my kid my friends would help me out. Dont have money? clean their house, cut their grass, cook them some meals etc. im sure there is something you can do to get a few bucks to get to some gas money or a transpo pass of some kind.

get a job!! im not saying this to be mean, if you seriously want to have your son respect you its a must. show him you will do whatever it takes to help provide for him. lead by example so to speak.

stay off the sauce!! tough times are ahead, DO NOT turn to alcohol! it will be challenging at time, but you can do it if you decide. being clean is a constant battle, but with the right mind set its possible.

good luck.



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