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Spurtung

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Posted on Mon Apr 22, 2013 18:34:31
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Spurtung [96875]
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Lord_Gorgen [1629756]
(sorry about the caps. but I'm to lazy to rewrite everything so I used copy/paste)


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note, these are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We want it up, you want it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say when we aren't distracted.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it just isn't worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men don't really mind that? It's like camping...

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh...

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh, because it's true!




I'm trying to decide between "OCD of the day" and "Today's Subservient"


I wouldn't say OCD, but all-caps is very ugly and does annoy me. And it took like... 3 minutes? I like a typing exercise every once in a while anyway.


MS Word does that automatically

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Wind
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Posted on Mon Apr 22, 2013 19:22:43
My rules =P

1) ANIME is LIFE

2) ANIME IS LIFE

3) You can solve any problem with a sword.

4) The Japanese always do it better.

5) But my heart will always belong to ire.

6) Americans are fat, rude and selfish, but they got freedom right and I love them for it.

7) Logic rules all.

8) Never do anything before morning tea.

9) Tea must ALWAYS be earl grey or green (when consumed with sushi)

10) ALWAYS take the path less traveled, and make sure to stop to smell the roses.

11) Unless the rose has a bee on it. In that case, RUN!

Last Edited: Mon Apr 22, 2013 19:24:25
Harder.Better.Faster.Stronger.
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Astral

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Posted on Mon Apr 22, 2013 19:50:57
By Honeyrain [1557915]
23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.


Pfft, my superior intellect flows from the beard of wisdom.

She who cannot acknowledge such splendour, shall not pass. She remains a slave to the nature of physiological mentality, failing to rise whilst great men do.



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thebeggerpie
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Posted on Mon Apr 22, 2013 22:46:42
Every signal girl I've talked with has said they like facial hair.

Probably the reason I don't have a girl.


MY SHINY CHIN RULES.

The little pictures you put here? They aren't cool.
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Predator_Drone

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 00:45:25
i saw MAN RULES and thought it was another shitty soccer thread

hi
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ReyDuvall

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 01:52:30
By Spurtung [96875]
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Spurtung [96875]
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Lord_Gorgen [1629756]
(sorry about the caps. but I'm to lazy to rewrite everything so I used copy/paste)


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note, these are all numbered #1 on purpose!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We want it up, you want it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say when we aren't distracted.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we...

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it just isn't worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men don't really mind that? It's like camping...

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh...

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh, because it's true!




I'm trying to decide between "OCD of the day" and "Today's Subservient"


I wouldn't say OCD, but all-caps is very ugly and does annoy me. And it took like... 3 minutes? I like a typing exercise every once in a while anyway.


MS Word does that automatically


Gives me a typing exercise? I haven't seen that function

I know what you were saying, but I took the opportunity to make some changes, too.

Last Edited: Tue Apr 23, 2013 01:54:03
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Spurtung

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 02:39:25
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Spurtung [96875]
By ReyDuvall [1526820]
By Spurtung [96875]
I'm trying to decide between "OCD of the day" and "Today's Subservient"


I wouldn't say OCD, but all-caps is very ugly and does annoy me. And it took like... 3 minutes? I like a typing exercise every once in a while anyway.


MS Word does that automatically


Gives me a typing exercise? I haven't seen that function

I know what you were saying, but I took the opportunity to make some changes, too.


if you want an exercise, you can always type " =rand(x,y) ", hit enter and then do a copy in another sheet placed parallel to the one you're reading.

x and y are to be replaced by numbers, where x is the number of paragraphs and y the number of phrases in each paragraph.

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Cyrax

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 02:43:53
By Unknown_Motive [450910]
i saw MAN RULES and thought it was another shitty soccer thread


Hahaha, I thought the same.

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Drop_Table_User

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 02:55:57
I agree, man always have the last word!

And it usually is, yes, i will do as you say...

[gif]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb14hwO8PI1roix04o1_500.gif[/gif]
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CravenTHC

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 03:46:48
By _Nikkita [13022]
I agree, man always have the last word!

And it usually is, yes, i will do as you say...


Maybe man always have the last word because woman have trouble with word.

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By: Yoshihiro [1244536]
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GrkManga49

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 07:35:51
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.

ddp6yw.jpgddp6yw.jpgddp6yw.jpg
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GirlFriday

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Posted on Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:28:48
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.


Why? Is eye contact an invitation to have buttsecks?

If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.


Can you look each other in the eye while peeing if you've seen each others nuts and are practically best friends?

If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


You play with it all the time anyway.

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In-Flames
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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 00:22:59
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and he found India and the East Indies his first shot, now he's a real man.

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Spurtung

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 03:41:48
By In-Flames [3083]
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and he found India and the East Indies his first shot, now he's a real man.


India?! yeah, he thought he did but...

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GrkManga49

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 04:29:07
By GirlFriday [570368]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.


Why? Is eye contact an invitation to have buttsecks?

If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.


Can you look each other in the eye while peeing if you've seen each others nuts and are practically best friends?

If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


You play with it all the time anyway.


Yes

Yes

And keep my private life out of this!

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Alex-

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 08:38:50
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana

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GrkManga49

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 08:45:59
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.

ddp6yw.jpgddp6yw.jpgddp6yw.jpg
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Spurtung

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 13:40:44
By GrkManga49 [10856]
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.


I wouldn't advertise that skill if I were you, just put the banana down.

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Noc

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 14:18:13
By GrkManga49 [10856]
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.


admitting you can deepthroat is very sexy try get some plums in right after and make it a party?

1fcf497a-e84d-4612-891f-afd631b67cab.jpg
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Spurtung

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 15:38:32
By Noc [1662321]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.


admitting you can deepthroat is very sexy try get some plums in right after and make it a party?


lemon party?

sigoutrotcspurtungfo6.jpg
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Noc

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 15:52:23
By Spurtung [96875]
By Noc [1662321]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.


admitting you can deepthroat is very sexy try get some plums in right after and make it a party?


lemon party?


if you wanna try lemons go right ahead

1fcf497a-e84d-4612-891f-afd631b67cab.jpg
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Spurtung

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 17:00:10
By Noc [1662321]
By Spurtung [96875]
By Noc [1662321]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
By Alex- [435186]
By GrkManga49 [10856]
When I came to this thread, I thought it was actually about MAN RULES.

Like...

Never make eye contact with another man while taking a piss.
If you've seen a mans nuts and he has seen your nuts before, you are practically best friends.
If you shake it more than twice you are playing with it.

Ect. Ect.


Also never make eye contact while eating a banana


This.

And considering guys think about sex every 7 seconds.. I usually try to down a banana in 6 seconds so things to get awkward.


admitting you can deepthroat is very sexy try get some plums in right after and make it a party?


lemon party?


if you wanna try lemons go right ahead


you missed it, but use google

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Noc

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 17:28:05
ive seen it its not as shock and awe as all make out to be i have worse shit on my photobucket

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Spurtung

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Posted on Wed Apr 24, 2013 21:23:56
By Noc [1662321]
ive seen it its not as shock and awe as all make out to be i have worse shit on my photobucket


whatever floats your boat

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Noc

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Posted on Thu Apr 25, 2013 14:23:52
By Spurtung [96875]
By Noc [1662321]
ive seen it its not as shock and awe as all make out to be i have worse shit on my photobucket


whatever floats your boat


:P

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IN_COLD_BLOOD

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Posted on Thu Apr 25, 2013 23:40:30
By GirlFriday [570368]
By IN_COLD_BLOOD [1613784]


i like the way you think


Pervert...


SO? lol

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Psychic_One

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Posted on Wed May 01, 2013 07:03:19
smh

How to treat a lady.


1. Respect her.
2. Treat her as if she were a precious jewel.
3. Have a long term goal in real life besides just Torn...have a long term real life goal.
4. Don't ever date girls for their body...date them because they have a pure heart or a heart of gold.
5. Never get in a short term relationship.
6. Find a faithful girl.
7. Try to find a good person who you would find as an attractable mate and may have a mother's qualifications.
8. Be a knight in shining armour.
9. The little things do count.
10. Always be faithful guys. If you two have a trust system, it will be perfect.

If you follow those commandments, you will have a long lasting happy life with an awesome wife.

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Posted on Wed May 01, 2013 07:31:29
Now how about I tell you the truth behind your rules?
I've put my answers to your rules 'neath each of your rules.

By Honeyrain [1557915]
Now how about our rules.

Women's rules for men

TOP 30 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT US!!!


1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.
-If you all didn't get so arsey when the truth is told, we wouldn't have to lie.

2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
-This I have nothing to comment, I don't do dirty talking myself, it freaks me out in bed.

3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
-Yes we do, just because it's happened to you doesn't mean it has happened to only you.

4. Girls are petty, get over it.
-Yes, we know, and also over it too (well, mature guys anyway).

5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
-No, we may not, but that gives you no reason to take it out on us, does it?

6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
-We wouldn't have to get off the hook if you women didn't get pissy over the simplest of things.

7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.
-Not always the case, you just think you know, as usual.

8. Zit's happen to everyone. Yes, Mr. Perfect, even to you.
-Yes, and when we get them we get rid and that's it, do I really have to say how women react? This is hypocrisy.

9. We don't like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.
-Again, nothing to comment, I believe a guy should protect a woman.

10.A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
-Not in all cases, I know most of my female friends prefer it loud with a nice bass kick to it. 50% right here.

11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a pig.
-No matter what we say, you're jealous for no good reason, the past is the past, we can not help who we dated prior to yourselves.

12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
-I agree actually, not over the top though.

13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
-Not if we didn't, even if we did something and apologized, what's the point? You women always stay in a mood and say that sorry isn't acceptable, what else are we supposed to say...

14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
-Again, agree, the same routine can be a killer of relationships.

15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.
-If you know you are, then why ask us things about clothes etc, no matter what we say, it WILL somehow offend you.

16. We are drama queens.
-We know!

17. Fashion police do exist.
-No, people who expect something from someone to be what they want exist.

18. Don't ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
-Agree here, this shouldn't be forced.

19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, or anything else you and your friends talk about, like: how much you know about the video games, porn, computers, Star Wars, etc.
-Same as we care not for your shoes, clothes, make up, girlfriends interests etc keep them to yourselves and we will keep ours to ourselves.

20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
-Yes! Unless you're driving, then BOOM.

21. We don't shave our legs every day, get over it.
-We don't shave our beards every day, get over it.

22. Don't make bets about us, we always find out.
-A guy should not do this.

23. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.
-Who cares, we are our own person, who the f**k are you lot to tell us how to look? If we like the look, we will sport it, you lot would flip if we told you to shave your legs or other places all the time.

24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emit other strange gases from your body, it's not.
-This is natural, but rude to do in front of guests. Keep it to the bathroom (yeah but a good toot every now and again clearing a room is fun! )

25. Don't compare our breasts with Brittany Spear's, hers are fake.
-Who cares about size or shape, we like you for you.

26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
-This makes me gip, so much, eww.

27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps. (All girls love makeup, do not call us prissy or tell us we worry to much about the way we look for wearing it.)
-We don't, YOU tell us that! You pound them words out of us by worrying!

28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren't.
-I always say yes, if I say no I'm on the sofa so might as well piss you off at the same time, win win for us blokes.

29. It doesn't make you look cool to make fun of someone else.
I don't agree with bullying, but if it's in good will with no hurting, then it isn't so bad.

30. If you ever beat us in a sport or game, it's always because you cheated, even if you didn't.
-No, you guys cheat, we can't help it if our godlike complexion intimidates you.








Last Edited: Wed May 01, 2013 07:45:51
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Alex-

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JFKAlex- [435186]Reply | Quote | Report

Posted on Wed May 01, 2013 10:33:29
By Noc [1662321]
By Spurtung [96875]
By Noc [1662321]
ive seen it its not as shock and awe as all make out to be i have worse shit on my photobucket


whatever floats your boat


:P


Would take some massive floating tekkers to keep Nocs' boat afloat.

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Noc

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MnCNoc [1662321]Reply | Quote | Report

Posted on Wed May 01, 2013 16:20:53
By Alex- [435186]
By Noc [1662321]
By Spurtung [96875]
By Noc [1662321]
ive seen it its not as shock and awe as all make out to be i have worse shit on my photobucket


whatever floats your boat


:P


Would take some massive floating tekkers to keep Nocs' boat afloat.


lmao

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