You can make passable A-1 (steak sauce) with ketchup, soy sauce, and a bit of Worcestershire.
I also heard a horror story on a podcast, some guy confessed to, throughout his life, excusing himself when he was a guest at someone's house and jerking off on their toothbrush. Like, everyone he knew had brushed their teeth with his semen. GAH. Talk about special sauce.
Everytime someone goes to the bathroom in my house now I loudly tell this story and say that if they are going to be in there for longer than 30 seconds they better use my basement bathroom. BONUS: guests don't shit in my good toilet anymore either.