Thread created on Wed Aug 08, 2012 18:39:21 Last replied to on Thu Sep 06, 2012 05:13:06
I felt like checking grammar in crimes for the hell of it(was bored; I think I'm just going to report them as I see them now), and saw these:
Result: You get the tag off just in time, and run out of the door.
-The comma after time should be removed, as if you were saying it, that would be an unneeded pause in talking, and generally makes no sense.
Result: A security guard spots you and chases you out of the shop. You dropped the trainers in the process, better luck next time.
(no idea how I didn't steal it >.>)
-"You dropped the trainers" should be "You drop the trainers" as the tense of the last sentence implies that you are being chased currently, which would mean that you are in the process of dropping the trainers as you flee. Another option would be to make "chases" -> "chased" instead, so the 2nd sentence is in the right tense. Either way would clarify the grammatical issues there.
2. You disable the network firewall, and enter the account numbers you have found belonging to several mob bosses.
-"Network" should be "network's" since the firewall is the possession of the network. Also, "enter the account numbers you have found belonging to several.." should be "enter the account numbers you have found that belong to several mob bosses" As the way it currently is, makes no sense if you are to say it, and the tenses are incorrect.