Level 31, and a Browning that needs reloading

What is it about human beings that mean they’re not happy until they’re unhappy? Are we really that calamitous that we feel the need to moan? And moan. And moan.  Time and time again, when we release updates, in and amongst the positive comments there is an overabundance of negativity.

I don’t really know how to parallel this to anything. I mean, I could say it’s like being with a woman partner. They ask you how they look, which in all honesty should be a question only dealt to those having completed the ‘Iron Man’ challenge. Still, brave men answer – you tell the woman that she looks ‘fabulous, a stunning example of the homosapien. Worthy of nothing less than the front page of a glamour magazine’, and expect them to smile, but they reply with – ‘You’re just saying that. How could you? How dare you? You, Me… so over with.’  You can’t win. It is impossible.

This leads me to those that possess testicles of ‘Unobtainium’, or the fatally stupid. There is probably only one thing worse than the following answer, but we’ve all said it. In fact, we’ve all got very similar stories, so I’m not going to put mine in. I’m sorry if that upsets you, and it was a difficult decision to make, but I wrote it, and therefore have the casting decision.

So, Mr ‘Neodymium’ Balls replies with: ‘I’m terribly sorry darling, but in that particular menagerie of floral, you look a little bit like a lost bulldog munching on a mayonnaise sachet’.

I guess this is the point, where, for men, things start to contract and retract, a bit like a tortoise in danger. You realise you shouldn’t have said anything, and you watch in horror as woman removes the proverbial nail file from her handbag and says absolutely nothing. She will look at you, and ask if ‘you think you’re funny’.

STOP. It’s time to press pause and weigh up your options, but in reality there is only one. It’s like that point on Call of Duty’s, Zombie Nazi’s, where you’re mate has gone down, yet you’ve still got 100 snarling zombies left to kill, 30 rounds in the gunge-gun, and a Browning that needs reloading. I.e. – You leg it. Again, you’ve lost. Admit it, men are pathetic. Even the man with the perfect bone structure from the Old Spice advert would run here.  So what do we do?

In fact, this parallel, albeit somewhat accurate will be the focal point of rage. To be honest it would have been the obvious target for any negative discussion even if I hadn’t paralleled it to woman, and this you see, is my point.

With the recent updates now a week in the past, people are complaining about everything. They don’t like this. They don’t like that. They have found a bug. They preferred it before. They don’t want to spend 120 seconds a day voting for Torn. Bloody hell, it’s almost as if someone has woken them up in the night and told them they’ve just contracted the human immunodeficiency virus, and would they mind awfully not to bleed all over the place.

Whilst we don’t expect everyone to like everything we do, (this is Torn – no one is ever happy) we do like for people to, urm how to say it, think about their comments?

Spam is something that should stay in a tin, it’s horrible, and it’s nasty. You don’t want it advertising all sorts of enlargement possibilities in your mailbox, and we don’t want it in our forums.  Often once we’ve released an update to Torn, there will be a bug. There will be something we hadn’t anticipated, possibly an error somewhere. Granted – it can be annoying. It shows us that we’re not perfect, and we do indeed make mistakes. Take this as a formal apology from me, to you.

Humans, as they currently exist are self-deprecating. It’s a known fact. Similarly, being completely organic, we are somewhat vulnerable to disease. A cold for example is not life threatening. After a nice hot bath, a Lemsip, and a Disney movie you’re jumping up and ready to go about normal life. It’s kind of the same here. Nothing is permanent. Yes, there will be the odd bug hiding in random pages, but until someone finds it, we can’t do anything about it.

Often people think the anomalous things that happen after updates are indelible – or they simply don’t read the announcements. It’s all very well shouting abhorrence at Chedburn and the team, but as per usual, the next day, after a warm malted drink and a good night’s sleep, they wake to find everything is fixed.

If you think something is exceptionally bizarre and outlandish, out of the ordinary or a completely contemptible thing for a text based game to do – it probably doesn’t exist. Announcements are not read correctly, and instantly someone assumes something ‘very bad and stupid’ has been added to the game.

We could argue with every single ‘omg this change is sh*t’ post in the forums until we’re ready to explode, but what’s the point. Some Charlie comes round the corner, without reading anything, and posts the same thing. We could reason again that things will be fixed, but, as you guessed it, another Charlie comes round the corner and does the same thing.

So. in summary:

You should expect bugs / issues, and weird things to happen a few days after updates are released.

There is no need to swear at admins.

There is no need to boycott donating.

There is no need to spam the forums with how angry you are.

And to remember; bugs and issues will always be fixed. It just takes time.

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22 thoughts on “Level 31, and a Browning that needs reloading

  1. A couple of small spelling mistakes there, but regardless of that, a very nice rant; kudos to you!

  2. i do agree that a lot of the mindless idiots that bitch about the updates being crap are, well mindless idiots and are therefore not deserving of a reply.

    BUT

    some of the people that have issues with the updates have a valid problem with the way they are either implemented or the content of said update. these people shouldn’t be ignored and should be talked to, by developers/ched NOT staff, so that they can have a greater understanding of what is happening with that. Often times your biggest supports can be those that were your biggest nay sayers.

    just look at mIRC for example. alot of idiots are on there, you can try to deny it but we all know you would be lying. if you go in there and post something that they KNOW is either wrong, or harmful to them, they will still follow like sheep cause they are mindless idiots.

    Basically if you spend the time to help those that are worth the time to understand what is happening, and more importantly WHY then you will have a greater chance of getting the masses to start supporting more of your updates and complaining less.

    Although there will always be complaints, especially in a game as you can never please everyone.

  3. Nicely written.

    For those of you who quit halfway through and skipped to the commentary, the gist of it is; “Stop complaining, we’ve stopped listening.”

  4. By believing that everybody who dislikes an update and complains in the forum is a whining, spamming idiot you are obviously merely tolerating the players in the game and essentially saying “if you don’t like it leave!” Way to go!

    How about instead you actually listen to the complaints, and do something about people’s issues, instead of simply ignoring them, or worse telling your customers they are wrong and should not complain.

  5. Just “Zombie Nazi’s” and “where you’re mate has gone down”, from quickly skimming it again.

    But yeah, epic rant–I wish we had more of these!

  6. wow, it looks like you very upset/angry, it is great to see so many updates. About moaning, erm, it’s like a wave. Everybody want something more than life can afford at the moment. Somebody says something, somebody reads it and think, well, what he says is better, and posts more moan. etc. Voting is ok, but add other ways, not only paypal and enjoy:)

  7. Been apart of Torn pretty much since day 1 & Kudos for you Gareth, I couldn’t of said it better myself.
    Thumbs up to what Chedders & his team have created, the game only seems to get better, with more & more options being implemented most the time.
    “Of course there are going to be bugs & issues, but like you said, you find the source of the problem, next day or sometimes a little longer, the problem has gone”
    Then the bitching stops, until the next time. Lol, it’s a vicious circle of love & hate, but were still all her? No other game is comparing toTorn, keep up the good work guys. & i’m not kissing arse, like i said been round for a very long time & have seen the hard work what has been put in, in getting “us” where we are today.

  8. OMG! My name is Charlie……
    Nice rant, really…… just try to remember, often when we stop complaining, because it falls on deaf ears, you take it as a sign that we are completely satisfied.

    We can promise to stop giving unwanted constructive criticism, as long as you promise to accept that our lack of criticism isnt to be mistaken for complete acceptance?

  9. What you said was right but you should aware of the people like me who can’t use fast internet connection. We have nearly the worst internet connection all over the world. So issues like the voting for torncity is hard for us. We want to draw 10000 points like others but we can’t manage to vote 20 + voting sites which is poping one after another. We have to use 5-10 minutes per vote to see the captcha and we have to wait a little minutes to enter our vote. If you make we can open all 22 sites in our browser tabs . It is more faster than us. We can’t use hrs for voting .
    With best regards
    cursed_orient[1355273]

  10. “If you make we can open all 22 sites in our browser tabs . It is more faster than us. We can’t use hrs for voting .” instead of this, Read this.
    “If you make we can open all 22 sites in our browser tabs. It will be more faster for us. We can’t use hrs for voting.”
    Sorry for my bad English.

  11. Why are people saying it was well written? For a year 7′s english homework, yea, ok, well written i suppose. I couldn’t even gather the point of the article without reading the comments. And what was that about call of duty? Does that have anything to do with anything? Hand me an engrish instruction manual to some cheaply made chinese toy any day over this.
    Please tell me you at least understood the words used in the article?
    anomalous – no googling now.

  12. You don’t seem to differentiate between genuine issues players have for the games updates, and what you consider thoughtless ‘spam’.
    “There is no need to boycott donating.” – what?

  13. Hi, this is a very interesting blog page and ive enjoyed reading many of the articles and posts contained on the website, keep up the good work and hope to read some more interesting content in the future.

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